Monday, March 24, 2008

Monday Morning Work Avoidance

Warning: Some readers may find this material out of character.

Or not.

I don't know which is worse.

Maybe both.

ANSI Standard Haiku
12 lines, 6-8-5-7-9-9-10-3-3-8-5-2 syllables
You're sitting in your cube
your co-workers are all talking
about March Madness
but you don't know anything
about U.S. college basketball
and you've read I Am Charlotte Simmons
and it made you vaguely nauseated
here's your chance
to fit in
by wasting the company's time
like everyone else
read on!

Easter isn't just about garbage pickup being on Saturday instead of Friday.

It's also about the Quartodeciman Controversy.

You may be among the fifty zillion people who've seen this already, but apparently I live under a rock: Human Tetris just won a Youtube award, and I can see why.

Many years ago I met some "Anti-Comma People" [citation needed] at a conference. Now THERE'S a frightening cult, they believe you should never use commas for anything, ever. I escaped their grip in the nick of time, and not a day goes by that I don't agonize over whether or not to use a comma. Like several times in this paragraph.

Just too funny: Alan Greenspan Loses His Mind

"Microwave McDonald's" - If you stand in front of one McDonald's, you can see the next one - a word play on the line-of-sight property of microwave communications, applied to the proliferation of McDonald's and other franchises in certain areas like near the Miami airport

Go ahead and Google it, but I just made it up.

I used to be an Obama fan.

Now I'm just a "Typical Person".

I'm waiting for the t-shirt, it's not exactly what I want yet.

Continuing with the Democratic Party's race to pick The Best Loser...

Hillary Clinton's media people have learned a brand-new, very valuable lesson: never use stock footage, for anything, ever.

My two beagles had an "off-books breakfast" this morning. That's when I've forgotten to refill their daily food bottles with carefully measured portions of dry kibbles, and it's early morning, and I'm trying to get to a coffee, and they're bouncing around saying "Feed me! Feed me!" in Uno-Speak, so I just reach into the big storage bins and give them unmeasured handfuls of the stuff. If they had a brain, they'd be thanking me, but they don't, so they don't.

I'm just happy they've stopped jumping up and down.

Is it Tourette's, or is it Asperger's?

I keep repeating "MySQL is free!"

Trust me, go look at Little Bobby Tables

You know it's gonna be very bad news when you hear this: "We regret to inform you..."

Not so bad, but pretty bad: "In order to serve you better..."

As in, "In order to serve you better we are reducing our hours of service."

Is XML a sacred cow?

Well, that usage is offensive to many who hold life sacred. Not to mention cows. XML is nothing like a cow. Cows are useful.

Cows are also simple and easy to understand.

XML is not a programming language. It does not contain any way to execute algorithms or control the flow of execution.

A cow is not a programming language either. However, a cow can perform certain tasks like walking, eating, contributing greenhouse gases, and so on. A cow can also control the flow of these tasks; for example, it can decide to eat the grass over here, or walk over there and let one rip.

Did you enjoy Little Bobby Tables?

Now try this: Are you coming to bed?

And again: Make me a sandwich

If you didn't get that one, you're not a Linux geek... which may be a good thing.

On the other hand, if you did get it, you might already have the shirt.

Winter must be over... I just tasted a tomato that tasted like a tomato.

Oh! Oh! A new toy! XSD! Can I use it on this project, can I please?

Huh? Can I?


Oh, PLEASE let me use it, I just learned about in school!

Oh, LOOK at what we can do with it, we can put it on top of XML and Xpath and XQuery, and then we'll have a great big pile!

From a recent newsgroup thread that drifted over to a discussion of SQL Anywhere's limit on the number of rows in a single table: 1,099,511,627,776:
[long-winded fanboi justification of the limit by yours truly, ending with...]

For all practical purposes, SQL Anywhere limits are the same as "infinity".

That reminded me of this:

"2 plus 2 equals 5 for sufficiently large values of 2"

see: here

Kerry Liles
Senior Technical Writer

OK Kerry, I get the 2 plus 2 equals 5 (LOL), but not the link here.

Is it a clever shibboleth serving to separate the smart (Waterloo) from the not-so-much (Toronto)?

Or am I in a FedEx commercial?

I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing near you.

Oh, gosh, I get it now, I'm supposed to press the Search Books button to go here!

Doh! (the shibboleth worked)

I used to think "blog" was Old English for "too much time on your hands."

Now I know it's true.

And so do all of you. <g>

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