The fRiDaY File

Who remembers suck.com? Back in 1995 all the cool kids used

centered
text.
How about the Apple Newton?



How about CompuServe?
Does anyone remember CompuServe?
Does anyone still have a CompuServe account?

This was first published on June 14, 1996:

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When I die I want to go like my grandfather
in his sleep,
not screaming like the passengers
in his car.

Q: How many Windows programmers does
it take to change a light bulb?

A: 472. One to write
WinGetLightBulbHandle,
one to write
WinQueryStatusLightBulb,
one to write
WinGetLightSwitchHandle...

Q: How many Customer Support Representatives
does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We have an exact copy of the
light bulb here, and it seems to be
working fine. Can you tell me what
kind of system you have?
OK. Now,
exactly how dark is it?
OK, there could be four or five things
wrong... have you tried the
light switch?

Q: How many Microsoft technicians does
it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. Two holding the ladder
and one to screw the bulb into a
faucet.

Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents
does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Eight. One to work the bulb and
seven to make sure Microsoft gets
$2 for every light bulb ever
changed anywhere in the world.

Q: How many testers does it take to
change a light bulb?

A: We just noticed the room was
dark. We don't actually fix the
problems.

Q: How many C++ programmers does it
take to change a light bulb?

A: You're still thinking
procedurally. A properly designed
light bulb object would inherit a
change method from a generic light
bulb class, so all you'd have to do
is send a light bulb change
message.

Q: How long does it take a computer
repairman to change a light bulb?

A: It depends on how many burnt-out
lightbulbs he brought with him.

Q: How many Apple Newtons does it take to
change a lightbulb?

A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe
gravy soup.

Q: How many Microsoft engineers does
it take to change a light bulb?

A: None, Bill Gates will just redefine
Darkness ®
as the new industry standard.

Q: How many Microsoft programmers
does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None, they just use OLE and pipe
in light from a bulb in the next
room.

Q: How many CompuServe users does
it take to change a lightbulb?

A: HEY, I POSTED THIS QUESTION TWO
DAYS AGO AND NOBODY HAS ANSWERED IT.
WHAT GIVES???????

Q: How many PowerBuilder programmers
does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: GPF